So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
