Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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