You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
