I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
