I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He? As in you personified your dick?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
