Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
