she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
