Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
