The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
