so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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