I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
