I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You made out with two different species that night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
