i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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