oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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