i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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