The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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