Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
