I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
