I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Moan for me like Helen Keller
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
