Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they're like a gay fantastic four
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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