when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
