The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
