i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
