Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
