i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
