Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
