I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
