I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
