As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
