P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
