Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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