you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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