Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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