Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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