what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
