New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
