my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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