Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
