I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
