hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
