What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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