I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
