for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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