You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
