I didn't shave. On purpose
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
