why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
