I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
