We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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