You work out of a Hotel?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
