wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
