He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
